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WELCOME TO THE BIJOUX!!
Reviews coming for Pan's Labyrinth, The Holiday (preview of the review: it was complete shite), Smokin' Aces, Funny Bones, Ratatouille and Flyboys and I would do a review for Children of Men but it just didn't resonate with me. I barely remember anything but greyness, violence and Michael Caine.
So-I'm sitting here, waiting for my son to get out of camp, eating salt and pepper cashews (buy them at Target-they're delicious) and flipping through InStyle (Yay! Gwen Stefani on the cover!!) and thinking, "I haven't written about any creepy movies in awhile".
The Dead Girl
We all know how the movie ends, obviously, so I'm not going to feel bad by telling you that a girl dies. You don't see it happen but trust me, you won't need to. There is still a level of suspense that carries throughout the entire film as you wait to meet this girl who is now, or eventually will be, dead. It is set, of course, in the seedy San Fernando Valley (aren't all creepshows?) which has the strangest energy of any place I have ever been. It is like a dead zone there. The acting is subtle; I was especially knocked out by Rose Byrne-who is she?! She was beautiful and sad and so real. Brittany Murphy always surprises me with her emotional life-she, too, is the real thing. This is a tragic, unhappy movie but the slow development of time and the incredible sense of place and the relationship of each character to the dead girl is touching and horrifying at the same time. Completely worth renting.
Where the Truth Lies
Oh. My. God. This is one F***ed up movie. You will not look at Colin Firth in the same way again-GONE is the sweet but cool Mark Darcy of Bridget Jones. Oh, this was disturbing and psychotic and also set in LA. So, Colin and Kevin Bacon play a Martin-Lewis comedy-music team in the 50s. Something REALLY bad happens and something icky happens. The rest of the movie is tying up the loose ends and recounting that night and how it affected everyone involved, including the present-day reporter trying to get the real story (Alison Lohman, who is actually good but comes across as 17 years old-very odd casting choice.) Listen, this movie will stick with you a bit. It's trippy and funny and NSFW in the least but I love that Colin and Kevin are willing to take such risks.
Why, yes-he does get the biggest picture.
Buster Keaton: any and all
I have seen so many new movies lately that I don't even want to write about them. I have recent movie fatigue. This weekend, while my husband enjoyed his father's day gifts on the driving range, I brought out my Buster Keaton boxed set for my five year old to watch. If you want to see me truly geek out, ask me about Buster Keaton: I was hooked the minute I watched The General in 1985 for a class at UT. It was the most modern film I had ever seen and was made in 1926. That gorgeous face, the unbelievably witty stunts-everything about that movie stunned me. I was only aware of Charlie Chaplin but when I started watching Buster Keaton movies, I realized how sentimental and rather Victorian Chaplin could be. So when I moved to Los Angeles in 1989, all of my actor friends spent their time meeting with agents and working out but I spent all my time at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences library, perusing every book I could find and buying black and white photos to hang on my walls. I drove throughout LA, trying to map every single home he lived in, discovering that one was a parking lot. I frequented the Silent Movie Theatre at Fairfax and Melrose-a fantastic theatre with a gold lame' curtain, huge portraits of silent stars lining the walls and a live pianist. They served cheescake, too.
My little boy has loved Keaton, thankfully, ever since I showed him Sherlock, Jr when he was three. We watched The General, he for the first time, and re-watched Sherlock, Jr, and One Week. Now he says he wants to be Buster Keaton when he gets bigger. Cool kid. UPDATE: The great Harry Ransom Center at the UT campus played The General with live music, including one of Grupo Fantasma's drummers-to say it was a treat doesn't do it justice: it was incredible and we had such a great time. Thank you, HRC!!
I don't have much more to say than this: please, please rent some of his movies. They are beautiful, hilarious, awe-inspiring and still better than pretty much anything out today. Here are some clips set to Radiohead music. I normally don't like when people take away the classic silent film music but this works.
Babel
I really, really liked this. I know I'm the last person on the planet to see it but I would like to spout my two cents: Because I've seen so many scenes in the movie, I wasn't so much touched by the Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett scenes--they just seemed so beautiful and privileged (yes, I know she got shot and all but they were in Morocco and she got airlifted out. That is American privilege right there)--as I was by the nanny and children scenes. Growing up in Texas gives us a closeness to the Mexican culture that is pervasive and those scenes were very meaningful to me. Plus I have a child and the thought of him being taken out of the county without my permission would send me into a tailspin. Of course, I also wouldn't leave him and go to Morocco for a two week vacation. The other moment that really killed me was the final scene of the movie. I won't describe it because it must be seen. I don't know why it made me cry-the music, the visuals, the reconciliation. It was beautiful and it took away a lot of the semi-ugliness of the movie.
Breach
Yes! I love Chris Cooper! I love a movie that hearkens back to the 70s political thrillers! A few thoughts on the movie:
1. Ryan Philippe is not half-bad but he pouts too much-can he get a reverse collagen implant in his lower lip?
2. When his wife brought the groceries in, the paper bags were smooth and pristine. No, I don't think so, prop department.
3. Chris Cooper wore too much lipstick in the movie. I thought J. Edgar Hoover was the FBI's only cross-dresser.
4. Overall, the movie, especially in one or two night scenes, made me really homesick for DC and the cold snap of a winter's night. Once, I ran six miles through DC in 16 degree weather with my friend Sally but that's a different story.
The Good German
ummm...yeah. I get was Soderbergh was doing and it was good and innovative in a retro way, but I thought the plot was LITE, the ending was "meh" and my boyfriend George Clooney looked chunky
I feel like I need to address the fact that I actually watched "Annapolis."
OK, I rented it for two reasons: I lived in Maryland for 11.5 years and James Franco. (Yeah, I know--he's too scrumptious but he's actually really good. Don't believe me? Watch 'The James Dean Story' from TNT or 'City by the Sea'. But my James Dean obsession will have to wait for another day.) So, I was so excited for my popcorn movie and you know how fun it is to yell out (or internally squeal), "Hey! I used to drink BEER there!" when you watch a hometown movie? Again, I say, WTF?! It was so NOT shot in Annapolis, which is just about one of the prettiest towns in America. I was so completely disappointed by the lack of place in this movie! Ugh! I can totally throw away the lack of plot and dumb script but NOT to showcase that gorgeous little town with the picturesque waterfront and the brightly colored homes? The brick streets? It is Maryland's capital and for four years, Maryland had a Republican governor whose name shall not be printed here. First one since the 70s and he was a jerk the entire time he was in office. I have to assume he wouldn't let them shoot in Annapolis. He was Jerky McJerkus that way. I say "was" happily because he got DEFEATED in 2006 by Baltimore's adorable mayor-who not only encourages filmmaking, but ACTS in the movies! (See Ladder 49.)
So take that, Voldemort Ehrlich.
Update: the movie was shot in Philly. WHAT-ever!
Factotum
If you are willing to sit through a 90 minute movie of Matt Dillon playing Charles Bukowski's doppelganger (whereby I mean he drinks, loses jobs, fights and f***s in a never-ending cycle) then by all means, help yourself. It wore on me after awhile but Matt Dillon was pretty incredible. No, seriously. He was great.
 Blood Diamond
Yes, I love Leo now. But seriously, he was just so amazingly good in this movie. So good that I just wanted to bathe myself in sparkly, pretty diamonds.
Oh.
Down in the Valley
Oh, man-this movie was awesome! Ed Norton is this creepy San Fernando Valley "cowboy" who insinuates himself into Evan Rachel Wood's dead-end high school life. It was eerie and great and sad and interesting all at once. The script was unbelievable-I am not creative enough to come up with a character like Norton's. You have to see it to understand. BUT! I just found out that ERW is dating Marilyn Manson-EW!-so I have a slightly more negative view of her now but she is an astonishing actress. Definitely worth a look.
Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic
Enough said.
Marie Antoinette
Gorgeous, haunting, tragic, funny. I LOVE me some Sofia Coppola. Loved The Virgin Suicides with a passion. She has a true talent for directing. She is a very mature and spare director who is willing to let scenes play out with no story arc to guide. I loved this movie. It is based on the book by the same name by Antonia Fraser, which I highly recommend-you will have a new take on Marie, her utter lack of control over her life and her naivete'. It will make you think of Princess Diana.
Speaking of...
The Queen
Yes, Helen Mirren was absolutely outstanding. But I really want to share with you one of the most haunting images that this movie brought back to me: Besides being able to smell the memorial flowers at the British Embassy in Washington from several blocks away (if you don't believe me, ask any Washingtonian from that era-it was unbelievably sad and touching) that morning, when I opened my door in my DC apartment to pick up my Sunday Washington Post, realized that Diana had been killed, and ran to the bathroom to tell my boyfriend what had happened, he had one of my pantyliners on his face and was pulling it off and placing it on again and pulling it off, wondering why it wasn't pulling out his blackheads. So, when I think of Princess Diana's death, I think of my boyfriend with a pantyliner on his face, saying, "I just can't seem to get it to work like the Biore strips."
I have recently seen: Borat, Blood Diamond (mreeeow!), Fracture, Factotum, Casino Royale, The Queen, Notes on a Scandal, Frida, Stranger than Fiction, Marie Antoinette, Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic, Slither, Zodiac, Annapolis (CRAP), Come Early Morning, The Descent, Down in the Valley and a few others I'm forgetting, plus my sister got married and my son had a stomach bug so I'm really, really delayed...
OSCARS 2007
Welcome to my first annual Oscar predictions. Keep in mind that, like everything you read here on my site, my choices are completely subjective and are based on factors such as how much coffee I've had that day, if I got in a good workout, and if I personally like the nominee. Actually viewing the movie doesn't really hold much water. Alright, here we go:
Best Supporting Actress
Adriana Barraza, Babel
Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Rinko Kikuchi, Babel
Does anyone really think Jennifer Hudson won't win? I just want Abigail Breslin's screaming scene to be played again and again on Oscar night. I've tried to replicate her hyperventilated panting and screaming upon being selected for the pageant and I just can't. That means it's really good acting. Didn't see the others. Plan on seeing Babel, which I guess knocks two out for me. Cate Blanchett is as close to a acting goddess as I've ever seen, so I always want her to win, even if she has two or eleven Oscars.
Best Supporting Actor
Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children
Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond
Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Mark Wahlberg, The Departed
Wow. I can't even wrap my head around these nominees-this is, by far, the fattest category and may have the one suprise of the evening. OK. Alan Arkin: could he be any greater? I've adored him for years but is just isn't his time. How cool that he is back in Hollywood's collective consciousness. Jackie Earle Haley: I kind of want him to win because remember when he was Kelly Leak in Bad News Bears and how he took Tatum O'Neal to the Stones concert? And she was 12?! And he had that mean fast-pitch? And, he lives in San Antonio now. So cool-the whole comeback issue. One question: Whatever happened to Tanner??? Djimon Hounsou: Blood Diamond is in my queue (I didn't want to see it in the theatre because I knew I'd be a blubbering idiot.) and I'm sure he was great. Not his year but he will win one within a few. He's that good. OK, now I'm down to the two real contenders. I'm such a huge fan of Eddie and Marky Mark, so this is painfully tough. You'll read below that I thought Mark Walhberg was excellent in The Departed. I spent the entire movie wanting more scenes with him. As someone else put it perfectly, he knocked the role out of the park. And the pleasure is in watching him do it. He was profane, funny, vengeful and the conscience of the movie. He didn't have much 'emoting' to display but every scene with him was a joy to watch. LOVE him-can't wait to see what else he does. Eddie: When I was 13, I named a cat Buckwheat, after Eddie Murphy's portrayal of said Little Rascal. I can quote pretty much any Mister Robinson's Neighborhood skit and can recite "Cill My Landlord" to this day. Dark and lonely on a Summer's night. Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord. The watchdog barking, do he bite? Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord. C-I-L-L my landlord. I would be shocked if he doesn't win, I think it would be a great vindication for him and I can't wait to see his acceptance speech.
Best Actress
Penélope Cruz, Volver
Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal
Helen Mirren, The Queen
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet, Little Children
Is there a nominee who plays a queen whose famous but troubled daughter-in-law dies in a Paris car crash?
Yeah. she'll win.
Best Actor
Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond
Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson
Peter O'Toole, Venus
Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness
Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Forest will win, although there is a ton of last-minute buzz for Peter O'Toole. Don't discount that-it gets out after Academy voters start to speak publicly, albeit anonymously, about their choices. Still, I think it's Forest's to lose. Ryan Gosling will get one someday-he's fantastic. Same with Leo, especially now that he actually looks like a grown-up (note to self: ay caramba) and not a teenager playing a grown-up, which I always found very distracting. Finally, Will Smith just picked the wrong year to throw out a wonderfully subdued performance. A lot of this is the luck of the draw in terms of timing, but he is beloved and will get his chance again.
 (Forest Whitaker was in Battlefield Earth?!)
Best Picture
Babel
The Departed
Letters from Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen
I'm going to have to go with The Departed because it was the only one I saw besides Little Miss Sunshine. (Hey-babysitters cost $10/hour and the other movies aren't on DVD yet.) For an explanation, scroll down. It's Marty's year, dammit.
Best Director
I'm not even going to bother writing them all down because Scorsese better win. OK, now I feel bad because the other dudes are talented, too...wait a minute...when is a woman going to be nominated? Didn't anyone see The Brady Bunch movie? Betty Thomas did such a great job working out nuanced performances from...ahh, wrong year. I swear, if the Academy gives this to Clint, I will not be happy, even though I actually think he's a terrific director. He's already gotten two and that's enough.
To be fair, the other guys are:
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Babel
Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears, The Queen
Paul Greengrass, United 93
I'm going to just ask that you refer above to The Departed movie poster so I don't have to look around for another picture to post here.
 I can always tell when a movie has touched me by how much I talk about it the next day. I have talked and thought non-stop about The Departed since watching it last night. I have actually re-watched some of the scenes to get a better handle on plot points I missed. Some people say that this is warmed-over Scorsese and that the plot had major holes. Agreed. But the script was unbelievable: hilarious at times, filthy and frightening at others and it fit perfectly with Scorsese's directing. He has a shtick that is obvious from a mile away (the classic rock punctuating important scenes, the swooping, turning camera pans) and you know what? I eat it up. The performances were spot-on, especially Mark Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin in the few minutes they were onscreen. And finally, I was amazed at how much Leonardo DiCaprio had grown up (He's 32?!)...in fact, I was mentioning to a friend that I still considered him Johnny Depp's retarded little brother in Glbert Grape, even thought I've seen pretty much every single movie he's made and I consider myself a fan. (But Titanic was a complete CRAP.) With his mature, angry, scared, potty-mouthed performance, I actually feel as though I can now believe him as a grown up, and that alone makes the movie worth the price of admission. But more than that, seeing a movie like this just flat-out makes me so grateful that Martin Scorsese chose to be a director instead of a priest.
 Which brings me to my favorite Scorsese movie...The King of Comedy.
If you have not rented this movie, you are seriously perpretrating a disservice to yourself. One of my college boyfriends was a film major years before I went back for my film degree and his influence, though short-lived, still resonates in some ways. He insisted that I watch The King of Comedy, starring Robert DeNiro, Sandra Bernhardt and Jerry Lewis (Yes! I said Jerry Lewis! My other favorite JL movies are Funny Bones and whichever movie he said "Hey LAAAdies!" in...And remind me to tell you about the time he "performed" with the Houston Astros when I was, like, six. Comedy gold.) and I will forever be grateful...He also offered me his lifesized Italian Taxi Driver poster and I turned him down...OK, so my judgment wasn't so great back then.
Yet again, I digress.
King of Comedy, to put it mildly, is an uncomfortable, strange, dark, embarrassing movie about Rupert Pupkin, a true sadsack loser who wants nothing more than to perform a comedy act on national TV, specifically Jerry Langford's show, which is closely modeled on Johnny Carson. Hear me when I say this: I don't know why Jerry Lewis did not get more substantial work after this. He is a revelation. His work is subtle and sad and affecting. Sandra Bernhardt, as a rich kid flunkie obsessed fan who assists Rupert in his-literally-crazy scheme, is so perfect that I remember wishing I was her when I saw the film. Not her character, her. I also don't know why she didn't go further with a serious acting career. Oh!! and guess how else is in it? Shelley Hack! The Charlie perfume model who replaced Cheryl Ladd in Charlie's Angels! Scorsese doesn't always bring out the most subtle work from his actors (cough cough Sharon Stone) but they are always real and touching. King of Comedy is full of subleties of performance, of plot, of editing and directing but it is such an affecting, painful and disturbing movie, I am really flummoxed as to why I haven't written about it before. You will not regret renting this classic. So go rent it. Soon. Now.
Here is a very short list of films I have viewed but for which have not had the time nor the inclination to write a decent review:
The Illusionist: WHEEE! The first movie ever that I nailed the ending well before it happened. Normally, I'm either so enthralled by the acting, costumes, etc or I'm complaining about the bad lighting that I am totally oblivious to the plot. In your face, Ed Norton!
The Devil Wears Prada: Emily Blunt is my new best friend.
A Prairie Home Companion : zzzzzzzzz
Art School Confidential: Umm....it was ok, but had a definite "this is edgy!" vibe
You, Me and Dupree: Flabby writing, Matt was slightly funny. Michael Douglas should play mean more.
Failure to Launch: Barely registered and it was just last week.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Prisoner of Azkaban, the Chamber of Secrets: books were better.
The Lady in the Water: confusing, didn't care about the narf, Giammati is perfect, as always.
World Trade Center: The more time passes, the less I care about this movie but I was moved when I saw it. Not a good sign.
The Wedding Date: Far more subtle than I was expecting. Dermot Mulroney was excellent as always.
Friends with Money: This might need a longer review. I'm still mulling over this one.
Hitch: Fie! I fall for Will Smith every single time. And Amber Valletta actually does a decent robot in the final scene.
 SPECIAL CLIP!
My best friend, Sara Gaston, is in an indie film called Jack Everyman.
Here is a clip from her demo reel. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miUWdJLHDnM
 Charlotte's Web: OK, here I am, driving my little boy to the theatre for the "big surprise that begins with an M and an O" and thinking he is going to be as moved as I am by the sweet, gentle story of a talking pig and his spider friend and oh, what a time we'll have talking over the lesson of friendship. Charlotte's Web is the only book I remember my first grade teacher reading aloud and it was the first time I ever heard the word "manure", so it's a psychologically important book to me.
Bottom line? My kid was completely fidgety throughout (he prefers Buster Keaton-no, really) but I freely admit to bawling a good 45% of the movie away. How can a realistic-looking CGI spider--voiced by my nemesis Julia Roberts--slowly closing her eyes in death cause me such grief? Even an hour later, I was on the verge of choking back crazy, painful sobs.
I am such an easy whore for Hollywood. Anyway, be prepared for copious weeping, even now that I've given away the ending.
Thumbsucker: Pay attention to this name: Lou Pucci. All of maybe 17 years old, he stole the movie with his subtle, incredible. It was indie and had some minor structural issues but had a great cast, including Tilda Swinton, who is always perfect, Vincent D'Onofrio, Vince Vaughn, Benjamin Bratt, plus my buddy Keanu as a searching, hippie/Buddhist/wolf-worshipping/chain-smoking orthodontist--watch his final scene and try not to laugh out loud--and a fabulous screenplay. Highly recommend it.
 Talladega Nights: Wow. I was really and very sadly disappointed in this. I love Will Ferrell. I love when Will Ferrell runs around in his panties. I love Sacha Baron Cohen. I love that Perrier was a NASCAR sponsor. Other than that, I didn't find it funny...It tried too hard to be white trash and never found it's trailer park moment.
Best line, by far: "Dad, you made that prayer your bitch!"
Little Miss Sunshine: Now I DID love this flick. I think I loved every single moment. It had two directors, which was an interesting choice; there were certain moments where it seemed obvious (some scenes were sublime, others slapstick) but it clearly was directed by committee. The set design was spot-on (for some reason, that's exactly how I picture an Albuquerque house looking), the sadness, anger and anxiety felt by each character came across naturally, the daughter was such a joy to watch, I want Alan Arkin to be my grandfather and the pageant finale, a mix of shocking, outrageous hilarity and cornball family love will make you vacillate between shrieks of laughter and tears.
 Poseidon
I can't believe I'm going to spend my time writing about this abysmal (get it? abyss?) flick but I can't sleep so here we go.
If you like derivative scenes--now, I know I was probably only nine when the Poseidon Adventure came out but I can guarantee you that some of the scenes were exact replicas (ahem, kid stuck under the table that is now on ceiling! People will love it because they did it in the original!)--stupid, stupid characters (you dumb ho', can't you keep track of your 10 year old kid or are do we have to watch him disappear for absolutely no reason, thereby putting you and heroic Josh Lucas into peril? I guess the answers are no, yes), lots and lots of drowning in water, ridiculous dialogue and obvious set-ups (see Dillon, Kevin) then you will adore this movie.
I literally thought that, at the end, when the survivors just happened to find the liferaft as the ship groans into the deep with lights flashing in the deep (sound and visual effects that have become their own cliche') and the helicopters arrive, one of them would chuckle and say, "So, THAT happened."
Because that's the only emotion I could muster for them or the dumb movie.
Why Nacho Libre is not a massive blockbuster is beyond me.
Robots
 I'm not quite finished watching this movie because I had to stop and make macaroni and cheese for my boy-they have some now that you can make in 3.5 minutes, which is great for an ADD mom like me-anyway, ROBOTS! I love it. It is visually stunning and borrows HEAVILY from Metropolis, the legendary 1927 movie. Look it up. It's about the proletariat who lived underground in a...well, in a Metropolis. Yes, I know, just like The Matrix, blah, blah...oooh, I just got distracted by the thought of Keanu in the shades and the coat and...and...Anyway, besides my superhero Buster (May God rest his soul) Keaton's The General, (top ten of all time) it is probably the best movie of 1927. Oh, you don't like movies from the very last silent year? Tough-they are the most beautiful movies you will find. Robots continues apace. Enjoy.
 And speaking of Keanu
We randomly rented two Keanu Reeves movies this week-Something's Gotta Give and Lake House. The truth? I have rooted for him since Bill and Ted and would probably pay to watch him surf the web but his flat affect has often perplexed me. I stopped watching SGG because I knew how it was going to end-I was right-but then decided to watch the last hour anyway and Keanu gave me the one moment I have been looking for his entire career: the look on his face in Paris when he realized that Diane Keaton loved Jack Nicholson instead of him was so subtle, simple and real that I actually pumped my fist...I would have hugged him but he lives in a different city and my husband might feel weird...actually he would probably buy me a drink.
 Love Actually
Yes, this movie is totally awful because of it's smug baby-boomer humor, which I won't go into here...ok...Hugh Grant kissing that secretary when the curtain rises...LAME. Hugh Grant dancing: LAME. The wedding scene with the Beatles song and...and...awww, it was so cute---I mean, LAME.
But Colin Firth is adorable, as usual, Laura Linney is terrific and sad, as usual, Alan Rickman is PERFECT, as usual, and if you want to see the most brilliant three minute piece of acting you might ever see, watch Emma Thompson. You will know the scene when you watch it and you will never forget it--Mark my words. Why she doesn't have seven Oscars is beyond me. She should get awards just for existing.
 The Office update
Oh, Thank God-the show is getting better weekly.
Update, part deux: I don't know if I like the show anymore. Jim and Dwight have zero interaction, Michael has gone from funny/clueless to mean and off-putting-to the point of psychosis-and Pam is drab and pouty. Please let the Xmas episode redeem this season.
I am a HUGE Dave Chappelle fan. It was almost impossible to choose my favorite moments ("Granny, DON'T!") but here are my top two. Watch them before YouTube shuts down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jefgbwCBZ-M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ70w8ZMH5c
(this one is slightly long but worth every minute.)
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada.
Burial #1: Rent this movie.
Burial #2: Watch this movie.
Burial #3: See this movie, already!
p.s. There is a heartbreaking scene starring a member of The Band that is worth the price of admission.
(Not this one.)
 PLEASE watch this video. I was completely obsessed with it in the early 80s-it inspired me as much as any foo-foo movie: It's brilliant, it's creepy and it features Bill Paxton, who also directed. It's weird. It's sublime. You will never look at fish the same way again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzpN9ce_qF0
You know what? I have never seen this movie and never will so stop telling me what I'm missing. I'd rather watch Sixteen Candles.
So, I was laying in bed this morning and it occurred to me that I really need to write something about Alexander Payne. I think he is my favorite director working today-besides Christopher Guest, who is in a category all his own. Oh, and Wes Anderson.
Crud! And the Coen brothers.
I digress.
Election: I can add nothing to this picture.
 About Schmidt: I absolutely think this is one of Jack Nicholson's finest performances. Watch the scene where he smears his wife's lotion on his face and tell me you don't choke back a sob. Plus, the burdening of his sponsored African child with his middle-class American issues is just pure, inappropriate comedy gold.
Sideways: Best line of 2005, period. If you don't know what I'm referring to, I can't help you. Pour a glass of pinot noir and it will all come back to you.
Crash
HATED IT...with the exception of Matt Dillon and Terrence Howard....mmm....Matt Dillon and Terrence Howard....
Finally rented "Wag the Dog". Echh. I was disappointed. I know I'll sound like a rube but it was too talkytalky, and, since we are all so inured to political spin, it was a whole lotta "been-there-done-that".
Dustin Hoffman is always terrific, and Anne Heche-excuse me, "Celestia"-is always, just slightly, annoying.
 "Ask the Dust". I have no idea what I am supposed to ask this 'dust' except why did Colin Farrell look like a 1930s John Stamos? And I never realized that Salma Hayek's voice is exactly like Susan Sarandon's but with a Mexican accent. She is a fiery pothead so you know immediately that she will die of consumption. And you would be correct.
Snaps for using HL Mencken as a character-he's cool because I lived across the street from his townhouse in downtown Baltimore for four years. It's right next door to the high school where Tupac Shakur and Jada Pinkett Smith went but that's a different story.
Actually, there is no story. They went to school there.
I know The Office is a tv show but I have to include this because I was disappointed in the Season Three premiere. Ugh. You know how you get really excited to see a friend after a long time then you find you don't have much to talk about and it is just a long time of awkward? That's kind of how it felt-I was filled with anticipation and I'm a massive fan of the subtle-yet-over the top writing and acting-plus, I dearly love the characters...so it pains me to write this.
1.Jim/Pam I don't care if Jim and Pam get together right away. So, regarding the new Jim/Pam (I refuse to call them "Jam") kiss scene: it was clearly shot recently, giving it a tacked-on and amateruish feel. The Pam I know wouldn't refer to being drunk and the Jim I know would not give up without a fight. FALSE! That goes against everything he just laid on the line for her and against her personality. Too much pining gave this wonderful, believable storyline a soap opera-ish feel. Or soap opera-like. Or soap opera-esque. But Jim DID rock his new suit.
2. The Office never used "meta" humor before but when Karen made fun of Jim during her talking head...well, how post-modern of them to make fun of the whole docu-concept...but wrong show. It worked for Arrested Development (RIP) but not for The Office. That moment changed the tenor of the show because the great thing about it is how real and obnoxious these people are-not how hip they are to the idea of cameras being around. And yes, I know that certain characters (cough cough! Jim and Michael) are always bringing the camera in but there is a subtle difference. If I have to explain it, you don't get it.
3. Oscar's outing was funny in an uncomfortably harsh way-a bit too mean for a season opener. I must, however, bow down to Steve Carell for being pitch perfect on all levels. I appreciate as I cringe.
I really worry about a shark jump but will continue to watch. (Silently whispering, "I trust the writers...I trust the writers.")
Obligatory small-town story: I grew up in Sugar Land, Texas back when it was small and cool. We had one theatre: The Palms, which actually showed Sinbad movies on Saturdays.
I was notorious in the early 70s for cartwheeling down the theatre aisles; I'm sure I was trying to burn off that giddy thrill-the feeling that when the lights went down I would lose myself for awhile. Movies like Star Wars and Jaws meant to much to me (I even rocked a baby-blue Chewbacca tee) and I hope I can bring some of that fun here...
My bona fides? I have a BA in Drama, a BS in Film and an MA in Film Producing. I have performed in theatres around the country and have been in commercials in Texas, Washington, DC and Ireland (Go Pampers!). I have worked for The Discovery Channel and The National Geographic Channel. Does all this make me an expert?
AS IF!!
I just have a husband cool enough to buy me a website so I can write my opinions as though they're important. He's great that way.
Have a movie you want to talk about? Hop over to et cetera and send it in.
Due to many requests, I hereby open the
First Annual Kimber Says Movie Review Invitational.
There are no prizes but all are welcome to submit a movie review of your choosing. My only request is that they are not 10,000 words long and that they are not better than or more pithy than mine. (Guest reviews are in blue.)
Go to the et cetera page and send them in--
I have a movie review. I'm ashamed to admit that I trusted the Netflix viewer feedback for "Mr. & Mrs. Smith". 4/5 Stars? Seriously? There were 4 funny lines delivered by Vince Vaughn during the 5 minutes that he was onscreen. Those were enjoyable. The other 1:15 made me want beat myself senseless with my own fists. Yet, I have a compulsion to watch a movie all the way through. Why God? Why? WHY???? ---Chris
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